I have dusted off my tailgating gear and beer cooler and plan to sit out in The Park tail gating section and pay homage to all the winners. I plan to pull out the brauts and hotdogs as well as a six pack of Coors Lite beer. Since the Budweiser driver is in NY this week, I felt Coors Lite would be appropriate at this banquet. Now that I have my refreshments and adult beverages, let’s begin with the awards.
The Not So Champions Award Winners for 2006
1. Robby Gordon
(this year’s Nextel Cup Not So Champion winner)–First up for Mr. Gordon the award for best use for roll bar foam. He will also receive the award for demonstrating how to crash your car all by yourself.
2. Brian Vickers–He received the “How to get sweet revenge on a pissy ass teammate and become the most hated HMS driver since well..Jeff Gordon” Award. I receive a lot of votes from the #8 Nation voting block on this one.
3. Jeremy Mayfield–He receives the “How to lose your ride and sit out the rest of the season” Award.
4. Kyle Busch–I know he is NYC this week, but he will receive an award from this banquet as well. Kyle will be awarded the “Hans Award” for his attempt to use his HANS device for other purposes not outlined by the manufacturer.
5. Kurt Busch–Not to be outdone by his brother, Kurt will receive the “Celebration Award” for his lovely rendition of a snow angel. Because his little brother is unable to attend, he will accept the Hans Award on his brother’s behalf. Kurt also receives the “Most Improved Award”, not for his driving, but for his ears.
6. Michael Waltrip–He will receive the “Big Pockets” Award for buying his way into the Coca Cola 600. He will also receive the “Big Goober” Award. He is a repeat winner for this award. He will also receive the “Aaron’s Not So Lucky Dog” Award for sometimes just being not so lucky on the track. And finally not to be out done, the “I can say all my sponors in one breath” award. Once again a repeat winner in this category. Runner-up to Robby Gordon for the Not So Champion of 2006.
7. Elliott Sadler–He is a champion in my book, but I would be remissed if I didn’t mention his awards. First off, he will receive the “Watch This” Award for his attempt to jump into the crowd off the stage during a taping of Speed TV’s Trackside. Honorable mention goes to one of Ryan Newman’s crew for his “attempt” of stage diving at the All-Star Race.
8. Tony Stewart–He is also a champion in my book, but I he did earn this award. Tony will receive the “Foot In Mouth” Award. I mean you don’t shoot off your mouth about safety at Daytona and then do what you did to Matt Kenseth.
9. Chad Knaus–I know, I know, he too is in NYC this week, but who else really deserved this award by Mr. Knaus. Congrats on receiving the “How to Get Around Things” Award. This is a repeat win for him.
10. Bob Dilner–Bob will receive the “I should double check things” Award.
11. Jack Roush–Mr. Roush receives the “WTF Were You Thinking” Award. I am sure there is more to the story of why Mark Martin, a loyal driver for the past 19 years, is leaving Roush. I mean after all Jack, Mark did give up his own retirement to run another full season for you in 2006.
12. NASCAR Officials–This is group of people will collectively receive the “We can see a speck of dirt on the track, but miss giant safety trucks” Award. Congrats on being repeat winners of this award.
13. Mike Helton–There are too many “awards” and “accolades” to present to Mr. Helton, but I will mention one of them. He will receive the coveted “I Sold Myself to the Devil” Award.
14. Brian France Jr.—Like Mr. Helton, there are too many to mention. I mean he did bring us the COT, the Chase format, two races at California, and moved the Southern 500.
15. NBC and TNT–Once again another group award. They will receive the “How to Piss Off NASCAR fans” Award. I mean how thrilling is it to see all those “wonderful” commercials strategically placed throughout the races. Of course Fox and FX deserves an honorable mention here as well.
That wraps up the 2006 Not So Champion Awards. I will be taking my final laps of the season after work as a brave the snowy streets of Raiderland with not so champion drivers.
Once again I would like to congratulate Robby Gordon our 2006 Not So Champion.
Nominees in each category were submitted and final voting was counted by The Count over at Sesame Street and certified by the accounting firm of Larry, Darryl and Darryl. All decisions are final and the results were not known by the winners until today.